I just beat the crap out of Snitch.
I can't believe I'm writing in this stupid fucking thing. But I can't talk to Blink because, duh, the roommate thing, and Mush will, like, cry, and Jack'll just call me an asshole and drag me to Tag's room, and I don't really want to talk to anyone anyway. And Race is out taking pictures of fucking squirrels or something, thank GOD, because I don't want to deal with his shit. And there's no hiding it, not when he sees my face.
It was so fucking stupid. I was going to the bathroom, and I Snitch was in there. And I called him an asshole, because, you know, he is one, and people have been calling ME a fucking homophobe ever since he said that dumbass thing to Skittery, and just because I'm not running around in hotpants doesn't make me a fucking homophobe and I should fucking kick ALL their asses, even Race. Even Jack. But I can't because that labels me a homophobe even though I'm fucking NOT and no one will think that they were just being assholes. Honestly, people sometimes need to get the shit kicked out of them. I don't see what's so wrong about that. And I don't see why just because I'm not a fucking FAG, I'm a fucking HOMOPHOBE.
But anyway, I called him an asshole, and he's all like, "What's your problem, Spot? Race pisses you off just as much as he does me." And that's not true--Race pisses me off WAY more than anyone else--and I was like, "Don't you fucking talk to me about Race." And he was like, "Why not? He's making my life hell for no reason."
And I was like, "The reason is that you're a fucking HOMOPHOBE, Snitch, and you're treating half the people on this hall like they're going to hell because you're a fucking idiot ASSHOLE and you don't fucking DESERVE to have people like Mush and Blink and Jack be nice to you because you're a piece of SHIT and you probably say that bullshit because you're a fucking fag yourself and you don't know what the hell to do with yourself when Mush runs around naked or something and so you act like an asshole because you're scared to FUCKING DEATH of something that you can't control because it's fucking INSIDE of you and have no idea what to do about it and you don't want God to hate you and you don't want your parents to hate you and you don't want to be some FUCKING DEMOGRAPHIC and so you act like this macho piece of shit so that no one knows that you have no idea what the FUCK you want and meanwhile everyone in your path gets run over because you don't have time to stop and explain that you're only treating them like shit because you're so GODDAMN FUCKING SCARED."
And then he said the most dumbass stupid fucking thing. He was like, "Don't tell me what I think or feel just because you've got some weird straight crush on Race." And he was gonna say more but he REALLY needed to be punched in the face.
So I punched him, and he was like, "Spot, you PUNCHED me!" and I was like, "No shit, Sherlock. Don't make me fucking do it again." And he tried to hit me back, but he's a fucking trumpet player, he couldn't fight for shit. Okay, so yeah, my nose won't stop bleeding, and my eye'll probably be black soon and my arm hurts like a BITCH, but I kicked his ass. Totally.
But he's on the floor and I'm punching him in the face, over and over again and I can't stop and he's a fucking bloody mess and my hand's bleeding a lot now so it was probably partly mine, but all of a sudden I was like "What the fuck am I DOING?" I just hated him SO FUCKING MUCH then. And I don't normally hate people, except Race and that doesn't count, but I wanted to KILL HIM. And I haven't felt like that since I came to Donnelly, or at least, I don't feel like that when I'm AT Donnelly. I want to punch people sometimes, like Mr. and Mrs. Jack Kelly when they're being all "No, YOU'RE cuter," but I don't want to KILL them like I do the assholes back home. And when I realized that I was going to kill this kid, this kid who's my age, who didn't do anything but same some nasty shit to me, I started heaving and I went over to the toilet and puked.
And then I came back and he was still lying there, and I gave him some wet paper towels and we washed our faces and I brushed my teeth and we tried to stop the bleeding but neither of us really did. And then we went back into our rooms, but we didn't say anything and I have no idea what the fuck he's thinking. Or what people are gonna say.
And the worst part is I can't even get expelled.